The Best Thing That Ever Happened

This will probably be a heavy cheesy post, so I’m sorry in advance.  Hell, I’m not sorry.  I decided to be real with this blog and this is real.  So, get over it?

I used to haaaate when blogs would turn into mommy blogs when the blogger had a kid.  This is happening with me. In my defense I started this after I had a baby so, get over it? I’m sensing a theme here.

I’m a middle child, could you tell that by everything I’ve ever written? The theme of my life? Woe is Tricia.  I remember someone mentioning Middle Child Syndrome to me and I latched onto it like a diagnosis.  Finally, something to blame my dramatic personality on!

Mother, avert your eyes: I don’t have Middle Child Syndrome; I never did.  I’m just dramatic.  Which is, ironically, MCS in it’s entirety.

I tried many different sports and hobbies growing up:

  1. Soccer: I didn’t like running, and I hated having to speak to the other members of the team every game.
  2. Softball: I was an outfielder.  Who made daisy chains and sang to myself through every play.  Even in HIGH SCHOOL.
  3. Karate: I refused to bow to the teacher.  
  4. Equestrian: Oddly I was pretty good at this.  I think it’s because I only had to communicate with an animal.
  5. Reading: Uh, rocked this one.

I never really liked any of these hobbies.  My dramatic personality made itself known in middle/high school when I decided to blame my ineptitude on the order of my birth.  Logical, yes?

In college I noticed I’m mildly successful with people.  I am an introvert, and find social activities endlessly draining, but I’m pretty good at it.  I can work a room pretty well, but it’ll render me worthless for days afterward.  That’s all right! At least I was good at something?

I felt at some point during my late 20’s that I was missing something.  I hadn’t found my THING.  I have friends who are awesome at horseback riding, their jobs, being social butterflies, crafting, home improvement, etc.  And then there was me.  I was ok at talking to people? Cool.  I’ll go ahead and charge people by the hour for my attention.

WARNING.  WARNING.  WARNING.  CHEESY.  CHEESY.  CHEESY.

And then I had a baby.  You guys, I wanted SO BADLY not to want to be with this kid all the time.  I wanted to WANT to be a working mother, and to be someone who comes home late and makes great money and who is really really good at an outside job.  But that didn’t happen.

What happened? I went back to work, and I got laid off, and I started staying home, and I realized THIS is what I’m good at.  I couldn’t bow to my karate teacher but I can make my kid happy.

I’m finally good at something.

This scares me for a number of reasons, which I may or may not touch on later.  But for now I’ll leave it here.  Maybe I’m a good mom, and maybe that’s where this was all leading.

4 thoughts on “The Best Thing That Ever Happened

  1. I have no doubt that you are a wonderful mother! I absolutely understand the introverted-but-good-at-being-social thing. So draining! An then no one believes you when you say you are an introvert. Cannot wait to meet your daughter!

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  2. So I hope it’s not weird that I read this….I mean you did put in on the internet 😉 but when I blogged I remember that getting comments from people I actually knew freaked me out a little bit.
    Here is part of what I found scary about becoming a stay-at-home mom. The identity shift from “works, earns, wears real clothes and leaves the house” to “works (really hard for free!) and wears whatever sweats fit and are relatively clean” is a tough one that I still remember even 15 years later.
    I was a teacher before I came home to raise my boys full time, and I really struggled with that shift.
    I read something by G.K Chesterton that helped me navigate some of my feelings on the matter:
    “….To be Queen Elizabeth within a definite area, deciding sales, banquets, labors and holidays; to be Whiteley within a certain area, providing toys, boots, sheets, cakes and books, to be Aristotle within a certain area, teaching morals, manners, theology, and hygiene; I can understand how this might exhaust the mind, but I cannot imagine how it could narrow it.
    How can it be a large career to tell other people’s children about the Rule of Three, and a small career to tell one’s own children about the universe? How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone, and narrow to be everything to someone?”
    I am SO glad that you are enjoying telling Norah about the universe and being her everything!

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