A Check-in, Of Sorts

Where the hell did I leave off? Probably somewhere between making sense and talking incessantly about my extremely privileged life.  My therapist DOES always tell me I should be more neutral.

I think I left off explaining my maternity leave and touching maybe on how insanely backward the United States is in it’s policies (or lack thereof).  NEWSFLASH: The US government contacted me after having read my account and has now granted every postpartum mother 365 days of paid maternity leave.  Oh and every father gets 6 weeks paid paternity leave.

You’re welcome.

So I had maternity leave and went back to work and got laid off and blah and blah and blah you all know the sob story.  I got to play Stay at Home Mom for 5 months and I loved it.  I got this inane amount of satisfaction running our house.  I loved doing the laundry, putting it away, doing the dishes after cooking and planning our meals and paying the bills and taking care of Norah’s needs.  Seriously, I did.  I do!

Then unemployment ran out, and through some insane stroke of fate I found a job.  I started last Monday- working full time for a bit until part time will work.  And I was so nervous and so sure I’d make some mistake that I collapsed into a bundle of nerves.

And then ended up kinda, well, loving it.  I felt (feel) ready to leave my baby.  I felt (feel) proud that I can help provide for her and confident that she is okay without my constant presence.  More than that I feel like she is confident. She’s crawling up a storm, she’s babbling, she can tell us when she’s happy.  She so clearly can communicate that she’s okay.

I didn’t feel any of that when I returned to work after 8 weeks of leave.

I didn’t intend for this to be another diatribe on the merits/downfalls of the American system on maternity leave, but somehow I just kept talking and it did.

SORRY.

In short (ha!), I’m very happy.  I love the work and I love anticipating seeing Norah’s precious face every afternoon.  I love chewing on those delicious cheeks and asking her about her day.  I am loving this season of life.

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